And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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