Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
