i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
As shirtless as possible
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
