I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
