Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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