oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
