now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
