Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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