who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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