I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
i came on her dog
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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