i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
