You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
