Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
