my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
We smell like vodka and hangover
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
