Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
