I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
