dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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