Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
