Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
