Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
