why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have so many feelings about this burrito
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
