So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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