were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
