I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
