Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
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