I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
