It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
