I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Less talking, more tequila
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
