You smell like stripper and shame
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
