she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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