Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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