I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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