Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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