I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
