i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
