Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
