so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
