I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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