i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
