yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
