I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
