You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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