I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
