If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
