Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
