The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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