just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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