if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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