I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
