I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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