So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
