He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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