i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
