Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
